My First Sale

Since On Falcon's Wings became available for the Kindle, I have compulsively tracked its Amazon sales' ranking. If I didn't already know I have the perfect personality traits of a masochist, this little obsession proved it. Why else would I "subject myself to unpleasant or trying experiences", like writing and publishing something, while discreetly ignoring the fact that publication means someone might actually come across my little story and (gasp) read it?

Here's a little insight into how the crazed mind of a true masochist works, one selling her work for the first time on Amazon:

"Hmm...no change...no one's buying the book on Kindle... maybe people don't even own Kindles any more since that &*#$^*@ iPad showed up. What if no one ever reads the book? Oh holy Jesus. Have I totally wasted my time here? This is it – they hate me and they hate my book. Why else would they be ignoring it? It's right there! If I can see it, they can see it. What's the *&^$ problem? Goddammit all to hell. I knew I should have waited and did the paperback first. Aw, crap."

That all changed the day the sales' rank changed too, indicating that someone had bought my book. I don't know too many other authors as neurotic as me (well, yes, I do know one or two. Don't worry, your secret's safe with me), but here was my reaction. Not what you might think, or maybe if you know me really well, it's exactly what you'd think!

"OMG! Someone bought it! Someone really bought the book? OMG, that means they're going to read it. What if they don't like it? What if I get a bad review? Who is this person, who told them they could buy my book?! Oh holy Jesus. This is it – they will hate me and they will hate my book even more. How did they find it? From my blog, my website? What are they doing on my website or blog? Goddammit all to hell. It's probably just a pity buy from one of my family members…does anyone of them even own a Kindle? Aw, crap."

Do you notice any patterns here?