"Can't" is a four-letter word

Right up there with the worst curse words, but I'd also advocate "can't" for removal from the English language. Seriously. The next time someone says, "I can't..." to me, I will bitch slap that person into next year. To the poor unfortunate soul (s): don't say you weren't warned!


In case you CAN'T tell, this particularly offensive word has been uttered a little too much within my hearing this past week. There is no such thing as "can't" - there is "won't" as in hampering our own efforts to accomplish something, by refusing to try in the first place. There's also "couldn't" as in not permitting something to happen that rightfully and naturally could / should occur. If someone told me today, "You can't..." it would be the most powerful motivator I have ever received. That was not always true. There have been incredible moments in my life where I once thought, "I can't do this. I should just give up now." Like:

• I can't get into law school - I did. 
• I can't find a good job- I have, a few, in fact. 
• I can't write, attend classes and work full-time, I have too much to do - I carved out blocks of time during the morning and evening commute, which allowed me to finish my first novel. 
• I can't get an agent to take on my stories - I did, found two of them. 
• I can't self-publish. It's too hard, too much work - I'm putting out my fifth title this summer, working on my sixth for a 2013 publication date, and have a schedule of titles up through 2016. 
• I can't make any money at self-publishing - I've earned more in the first four months of 2012 than the total sales generated for 2011. 
• If I self-publish, I can't get any publishers to take me on - two of my titles are being translated by a Turkish publisher and I'm considering a Polish deal.

Notice a trend here?      


Those of you who have inspired this post - you know who you are cause I cussed you out - take notice: don't let I won't become I can't. We use excuses to avoid fear, added effort and potential failure too many times. We're so afraid, we won't even try. Not every endeavor will yield a positive result, but isn't the possibility worth an attempt? 




   

"I don't act like that! Do I?"

I've been seeing a rash of blog posts and tweets lately, all complaining about how writers (typically indies, but sometimes not) need to get over ourselves and learn some damned manners. I don't comment. I typically just close the browser, move on to another topic, or just wonder why there's so much negativity being spewed on the Internet.

Seriously, I have no idea who these posts are referring to, and I suppose, I really don't want to know these crazy folks. I often wonder about the purpose behind these posts and discussions. Are they meant to warn off other writers? A pre-emptive strike against some strange or bad behavior? Or, are they really for ourselves, to keep us in line and remind us that we really shouldn't act like a horse's ass for all the Web to see? Do we see ourselves in these idiots?  

I thank God everyday that I am blessed by the friendship of many professional writers, both traditional and self-published. People who work hard to finish their drafts and revisions, without whining and moaning about how hard it is to do this writing thing that they chose to do. Authors who don't go bat-shit crazy when they get bad reviews from strangers on Amazon. Who don't have meltdowns and curse out the bloggers they invited to review their books.

Why don't these other professional writers do any of that crap? If I had to guess, I'd say they're too busy writing to act like morons on the Internet. I like that crowd of writers. I'm going to stick with them. To all of you, and most of you know you are - thank you for showing the best of you each day.

That's not to say I'll completely ignore the looney-toons on the Web. I do need a good dose of entertainment ever so often, and boy, do I get that every day! I love the zany-ass tweets, and those crazy blogs and discussion posts. Still, I must acknowledge that I don't have much time for B.S. right now. I do have time for a book that needs to be finished by my self-imposed November publication date. So, if I happen to disappear, go underground from the slightly wacky world of social media sometimes, it's just that I have my priorities. Besides, if anyone out there chooses to act like a complete jackass, I'm sure I'll find out about it.  

“Amazon is full of crap!”

The following post is likely going to piss off several people. Oh, well. I’ve pissed off people before. I don’t see any reason to stop now. It will also shock others. “Two blog posts in one day? Has Lisa gone mad?” No, but I am annoyed and confused.

The last two weeks have been saturated with news of how much PLR content, aka spam, dreck and hackneyed crap is now available for download through Amazon’s Kindle. Detractors of self-publishing LOVE this one. “See,” they say, “not only do readers have to sift through those poorly written / formatted shits masquerading as books. Now, they can’t even be sure that what they’re downloading is a book, and not some pirated novel, articles cobbled together or a phrase repeated 700 times.” This is prima facie evidence, some say, for why Amazon should charge self-publishing authors to upload their books. Cause, you know, it’s not like spammers who make millions of dollars can afford the $20 or $50 it might take to upload crap.  

Well, in what I’m sure will come as groundbreaking news, Amazon has several ways to address this issue of crap on Kindle. I’ll start with the simple, if not obvious one. It’s called a sample. That’s right, ladies and gents, Amazon will let us try, or rather read, before we buy. Say I’m not sure if that ebook on managing or selling my timeshare will really give me some good information. I could download a sample. A-MAZING! I don’t know about anyone else, but if I download a sample that purports to be one topic, but clearly is another from the first or by the tenth page, I really don’t buy the whole book just to be certain.

But, if I buy an ebook on Amazon, there is a period in which I can request – wait for it, here it comes – a refund! Isn’t that just A-MAZING? If, for some asinine reason, I read the sample of that book on timeshares, found out it was about working as a maid in a timeshare instead and bought it anyway, I can ask for my money back. But there’s another argument often trotted at this point. It sounds a little something like, “Most of these crap books are 99 cents impulse buys! No one reads this stuff within a certain period and by the time they get to it, it’s too late for a refund!” I’m not going to quibble about 99 cents or 99 dollars. Dammit, if it’s my hard-earned money spent on crap, I want a refund! Here’s where I have to ask, though, who made me buy that book? Why did I get it without checking it out via a sample? Why was this festering turd on my Kindle for a year before I got to it? Um, no one is responsible for that except me. It sure as hell wasn’t Amazon’s fault.

Dear Reader, this is the part where I’m really going to fuck with people’s heads. Ready for it? Here I go: TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY WHEN YOU SPEND YOUR HARD-EARNED MONEY. Whether you’re plunking down 99 cents or dollars, don’t buy fucked up shit on Kindle and complain, when you could have avoided it by sampling. By reading reviews. By asking other readers, “Do you know if that book on timeshares is really what it says it is?” We solicit the views and read the reviews of major appliances before we buy them, right? Why does a 99 cent price point absolve us of checking something out?

Lastly, I’m sorry, but I just don’t get some of the analogies that refer to this Kindle stuff as spam. Here’s my definition of spam – it comes into my inbox, telling me how I can enlarge my penis (because I must be a freaking hermaphrodite or something) and forces me to give it some attention. Either, I have to manually delete or provide examples to my lovely (!) SpamBayes program on how to recognize junk for the junk folder. If you have a Kindle that actually shows you the crap on Amazon AND makes you delete the view from your device, can you tell me which model you have, so I don’t get that one for my nephew as a graduation present? Seriously, have they invented a Kindle that shows you crap you don’t want to buy? So loved the old method of going online and searching for what I wanted, sampling it and buying. I wish they had just stuck with that.

Here’s where the other argument comes in about wading through crap. Again, ever seen the Search and Filter by Relevance features on Amazon? STUPENDOUS! (Figured you were probably tired of A-MAZING). You can search for the type of book you want and filter the results by their relevance. Don’t know if the books you find will be any good? Re-read that paragraph above about sampling.   

They say don’t bite the hand that feeds you. Since Amazon helps me earn snack money every day, I suppose that should apply to me. But, as I’ve already pissed off some, let me just add that I don’t think everything Amazon does is right either. Great, now I’ve pissed off Amazon too. Where there is outright piracy and fraud, yes, they should move much faster to prevent it. Ever heard of software that detects plagiarism? It exists. However, in this instance, please do not try to convince me that this is Amazon’s fault for not policing their site. I refuse as a reader and book buyer to put all the responsibility on Amazon to make sure that I spend my hard-earned money wisely. I have a brain and use it to make intelligent decisions on what I buy. Amazon certainly isn't shoving crap books on to my Kindle and stealing my hard-earned money.

As for how PLR content is any reason why self-publishing needs to go away, I'm still scratching my damn head about the logic. Sorry folks, but the self-pubbers, like me, are here and we’re here to stay. Get used to us.  

"One Man's Trash Is Another Man's Treasure"

Warning: rant ahead. I haven't had one of these in a little while, so you'll have to forgive me. Or not.

I've spent more time than usual on several social media sites and message boards. It was a much-needed distraction, but, uh, not right now. Not based on what I see happening. Is it just me, or are the internet flame wars flaring out of control? From nasty comments about whether someone is a good writer or not, to threads on the worst books ever published, I had to raise my white flag and beg off for a little peace.

Haven't we as writers figured out the concept of karma yet? I'm not telling people what they can or can't say in a public forum, but for Christ's sake, just use a little common sense before doing it. Think about all that could happen as someone trashes Writer X today. Maybe, that person thinks that despite X’s millions in earnings, he's just a lucky SOB who landed a six figure deal. Maybe, Writer X happens to be the big ticket name in that person’s genre. Just can't figure out how he managed to be the darling of the critics when everyone knows he couldn't write his way out of a paper bag, huh? So, after spewing vitriol all over the internet, what could potentially happen? Hmm. Say Writer X has a Google alert for each time his name appears on the Web and sees those messages. Worse, his fans come across them and escalate a flame war like none ever seen. What about this other writer’s potential readers and fans? What might they think? Some may agree with the opinion, but maybe now, the other writer just looks like a jealous idiot. Like someone whose books they might not want to buy.

I’ve been there before, looking at other writing friends doing really well and wondering, what am I doing wrong? Why can't I pull in those massive numbers like he or she is doing? But before I let jealousy rear its ugly head, I stop and think, “How does worrying about any of what he / she is doing help my writing? Shouldn’t I concentrate on making each of my books better than the previous ones?” Took me a little while to figure out, but I really can’t measure myself by the success of others. I'm only here to applaud those successes and concentrate on shaping my best stories.

Whatever anyone's estimation of another's talent, those writers who've made it to the top of the heap did so for a reason. They have the earning and the fans to prove their worth. Just because someone doesn’t like their writing or thinks they lack talent doesn't make it so. One person's “trash” really can be another’s treasure.

Seems to me, we spend way too much time trying to figure out how other writers are achieving success. How about concentrating on how we can make it to the top too?

Double standards in reviews of self-publishing: a rant

The picture at left should have been your first warning. If you chose to ignore it, here's another: I am now going to sink into crazy lady mode. I'm usually calm, but there are some things that tick me off.  Last chance to walk away from the blog now. OK, let the insanity begin.

This morning's rant is about the portion of readers who decry positive reviews of self-published books from other self-published authors. Not people who don't like self-publishing in general. Been there, don't that. Are we clear on who’s bugging me? If you happen to be one of them, I'd love it if you would de-mystify something for me. How is it acceptable for traditional or mainstream authors to give each other blurbs and reviews, but if self-published authors do the same for each other, those comments are automatically suspected as being tainted or padded?

I've found this viewpoint commonly expressed on Goodreads, Amazon discussion boards, etc. enough times to know it truly exists. I've tried to analyze it in different ways. Perhaps self-published authors are their own worst enemy. Those who write incoherent, unedited babble and scribble cover artwork that looks like a Crayola nightmare make it hard for everyone, even those who pay editors and cover artists, and can string coherent sentences together. Except, there are self-published authors who rise beyond the folly of their less savvy fellows every day. Don't believe me? Take a look at USA Today's recent bestseller list and count how many times Amanda Hocking's titles appear.

Maybe it’s because self-published authors are unknown entities and somehow lack the sophistication to judge the work of others. Is it all a matter of credibility? That argument presumes that self-published authors have no background to discern excellent writing for themselves. Thing is, I've smelled shit before and I don't need anyone to tell me when it stinks. Why do I need any other opinion but my own to judge other writers?

Perhaps the problem doesn't lie with just self-published authors, but with authors who may be friends, inclined to inflate each other's reviews. Strangely, that hasn't made blurbs any less popular in traditional publishing. So, why doesn't it work just as well for self-published authors?  

I've heard enough of the assumptions about self-publishing to last me a couple life times. It's the thing you do when no one else will take on your work. It's the last act of desperation before a writer gives up and succumbs to their bitter fate as a hapless nobody. It will kill your future as a mainstream writer. Blah blah blah. For a reality check, head over to JA Konrath's blog for interviews with self-published authors who are blowing these myths out of the water each day.

Perhaps the last hurdle for such writers will be the segment of the reading public that automatically dismisses self-publishing, paints its authors with a collective tainted brush and assumes their work will always be trash. For these people, I say the following: you're entitled to hold your opinion and judge the work of such authors in any way you please. But I have to ask two favors from you: don't dare tell me that your view is the only valid one in the world. Don't presume that your opinion applies to every self-published book. Otherwise, I’ll have to tell you to take your high-minded opinion and shove it so far up your ignorant ass, that you can't ever sit or walk again.

Rant over. Now back to the regularly sane blog posts.