Indie Publishing: What About the Costs?

I hesitated for quite a while before I decided to self-publish. It wasn't just because of the otherwise obvious fears - "I'll never be thought of as a serious author, just a wanna-be";"No one will ever like my writing enough to buy it, just because I'm promoting it";"What do I know about marketing and promotion anyway?" I'm happy to say the response to my efforts has proved me wrong on all these worries (Thank Jesus!)

So, why the delay? THE MONEY! And, because I didn't want to end up like this guy:

Worries plagued me daily. "I can't afford that! I'm not paying to be published! Shouldn't a publisher pay me for my work?" It made me wonder, what were the true costs of self-publishing, not just in fees, but in the author's time and energy. I knew many other independent authors must feel the same concerns. Gemi, Michelle, Peter and Kristina are back to openly share the costs of self-publishing their recent works.

Gemi did a great blog post recently on the topic of Lightning Source's costs. Here, she talks strictly about the money involved:
o Setup fees - $75 + $12 annual catalog listing
o ISBN - $25 (per title, but purchased a block of 10 @ $250)
o Copyright registration – None yet
o Professional editing - None
o Cover design - $220 total (included my imprint logo)
o Proof - $30
o Review copies - $119 (for 20 copies, some given as gifts to beta readers, others review copies)
o Business cards, book marks, press releases and other promotional materials - $0
o Other publicity, including hiring a publicist - $0

Michelle paid:
o Setup fees – N/A
o ISBN $ 50? x 2 (for a paperback and a hard cover printing)
o Copyright registration N/A
o Professional editing - $250
o Cover design - approximately $160, for two cover spreads
o Proof - $13.95 x 3 paperbacks and $23 x 2 hard covers
o Review copies- N/A, but I did buy a hard cover to have put in the Library of Congress so I could have an LOC number in it.
o Business cards, book marks, press releases and other promotional materials – I’ve printed my own business cards using Avery Business cards that I picked up at Staples, so that cost is minimal. -- $13.95 x 7 copies – 4 for book giveaways on blogs and 3 for independent book publisher contests.
o Other publicity, including hiring a publicist - N/A

Peter also shared his costs:
o Setup fees $325 for website design, $100/year for web hosting. $200 for domain name registrations.
o ISBN $130 for 3 ISBN numbers (paperback, audio CD, audio download).
o Copyright registration $130 for 3 registrations (paperback, audio CD, audio download).
o Professional editing $600 for page layout design. No content or copy editing.
o Cover design $630.
o Proof $15.
o Review copies $7 each.
o Business cards, book marks, press releases and other promotional materials Bookmarks $100 (for 500, including design).
o Other publicity, including hiring a publicist Besides my own website, nothing that cost any money. Facebook, twitter, e-mails, RedRoom, Shelfari, LibraryThing, GoodReads, etc.

As did Kristina:
o Setup fees N/A
o ISBN $450.00, one ISBN for each of three versions of the book
o Copyright registration $25.00
o Professional editing N/A
o Cover design: About $700, paid in traded services
o Proof N/A
o Review copies $10.00
o Business cards, book marks, press releases and other promotional materials $150.00 to date
o Other publicity, including hiring a publicist $50.00 to date

And me?
o Setup fees - $39; the CreateSpace Pro Plan for expanded distribution of the book
o ISBN – Free with CreateSpace. More on that later.
o Copyright registration – $35
o Professional editing - None
o Cover design - $420 total
o Proof - $23; two copies
o Review copies – Not yet, but they're coming at the costs of $4.93 per book and associated shipping costs starting at $4.85
o Business cards, book marks, press releases and other promotional materials – Not yet
o Other publicity, including hiring a publicist – I’m not there. Would love to be someday, but for right now, I'm actually with Peter: this is where Facebook, Twitter, Shelfari, Goodreads, my website and this blog come in.

Different approaches, different costs, but the inevitable cost to an indie author that can't be measured is time and effort. In the traditional publishing model, the publisher always controls the setup, including copyright registration, ISBN, etc. and sometimes (notice: sometimes), the editing and marketing. For an indie author, guess who handles each one of those considerations? Sure, you can go it alone and do it all yourself, if you have the creative know-how. Yet it's a tireless, daunting task.

Still, there is one consideration that unites all authors, whether indie or traditional: Now, you have to sell the book. Gemi, Michelle, Peter and Kristina will each share their unique perspectives on this issue. Later today - Indie Publishing: Let's Talk Sales.

Let us know your thoughts: would you pay to be published? If so, what do you consider a reasonable fee?

Indie Publishing: How Five Self-Starters Did It

rsFour indie authors, whose work I've grown to admire, have shared their perspectives with me on self-publishing. It's a great pleasure to have N. Gemini Sasson, Michelle Gregory, Peter Johnson and Kristina Emmons join me on the blog, to talk about do-it-yourself publishing, and the DIY services they used.

N. Gemini Sasson, who writes historical fiction, is the author of The Crown in the Heather, The Bruce Trilogy: Book I, published on June 1, 2010. I've known Gemi for a few years now through online critique groups, and from the start, I knew she was an amazingly gifted, naturally talented writer.

Gemi: "I went with Lightning Source, which allowed me access to Ingram’s distribution channels and online worldwide sales through Amazon. The set-up cost per title is slightly higher than if using CreateSpace, but if enough copies are sold, then using Lightning Source actually yields a higher profit per book sold. My biggest investment was in purchasing a block of ten ISBNs for $250, but I knew I was very likely going to release more than one title, and each in multiple formats. It can seem a little intimidating as an independent author to work through Lightning Source at first, but whenever I had a question they were always very courteous and professional."

Michelle Gregory, a fantasy writer, is the author of Eldala, which was published in 2007. Michelle's a prolific blogger, whose warmth and sense of humor always comes across in her posts.

Michelle: "I used Lulu.com. At first, it was because my husband suggested Lulu, thinking I might want to have one copy printed just to show I’d written a novel. But as I told more and more people I was writing, they all showed interest, and then I realized I would need to go with a good POD company. I did a lot of research about PODs and ended up with Lulu because I decided it would be the best fit, based on the ability to pick and choose their services. Also, their prices for the ISBNs and their commission from sales seemed reasonable."


Peter Johnson, who also writes historical fiction, is the author of Grant’s Indian, which was published in 2009 in paperback, on audiobook and for Kindle. When Gemi interviewed Peter earlier in the spring for the Historical Novel Reviews blog, she raved about his writing.

Peter: "I used CreateSpace because it is Amazon’s DIY service. Amazon owns audible.com, the publisher of the audiobook version of the novel. I wanted an integrated Amazon page that would link the print and audio versions. I suppose I could have done this using a different DIY service, but using CreateSpace seemed most practical. For the audiobook, I considered DIY, but that would have involved podcasting or some other technology I’m not happy with. As it happened, once I narrated the recording and had it professionally mastered, audible.com accepted it for publication as part of their own list, so the audiobook isn’t really an example of DIY publishing (just DIY recording)."

Kristina Emmons, is the author of Roeing Oaks, also historical fiction, which was published in 2009. I had the pleasure of reading and reviewing her book, and after eagerly sharing my praise, we struck up a friendship.

Kristina: "I used Lulu.com. I was looking at using a traditional publisher but found that Lulu was a better fit because I wouldn’t need a lot of money upfront or have to worry about what to do with boxes and boxes of inventory. Lulu is print on demand; there is no minimum order, so you can print one copy if you like, or hundreds. I especially like that I can go to my account to find a spreadsheet that tracks the number of books I’ve sold and how much profit I’ve made. Lulu charges a printing cost per book, which goes down with larger orders, and from there it’s up to me to set the price per book. They do take a percentage off the top of each sale as well, but in the end I am still able to make a fair profit per book.

I like that my customers can order directly from Lulu.com. This means I don’t have to go through a separate web channel to sell my material, which would cost me extra money. Lulu also has an e-book feature and a customizable product page where you can list your products. Lulu also offers services like professional cover design, professional editing, and marketing packages. I ordered promotional materials but I wasn’t happy with them.

There are helpful tutorials on the site for formatting and uploading your files. You can upload a refreshed file at any time if, for instance, you’ve had to make spelling corrections to your work, and that has been so helpful. The downside to Lulu is that shipping costs will be high on small orders.

One thing to be aware of is your ISBN number. You can independently file for your own ISBN so that you are the listed publisher, or you can use an ISBN issued by Lulu, which makes Lulu the publisher. It is more expensive to go about it independently, and Lulu will help you use alternative channels to sell your work if you use a Lulu ISBN, but remember that if you are ever offered a contract in the future by a large publishing entity, being your own publisher means that you are free to do what you want with your work without any legal hassles getting in the way. You have all the rights to it. I’m not sure if Lulu still offers this option, but I chose to independently file."

Well, I guess that just leaves me. Like Peter, I choose CreateSpace, a subsidiary of Amazon to publish my historical, On Falcon's Wings in paperback, and Amazon DTP (Digital Text Platform) for the Kindle version, both available in the summer of 2010.

After nearly two months of comparing Lulu, Lightning Source, and CreateSpace, I decided on the latter for a variety of reasons. Amazon's status as the predominant, online bookseller and the development of its Kindle technology immediately made its CreateSpace subsidiary a suitable option. I knew I didn't want to publish only an e-book or just a Kindle version. I wanted to hold a paperback copy of my book in my hands, and Amazon allowed me to offer both. I pestered talked to Gemi in great detail about the process for her and bugged asked Kristina for advice. The ability to retain my rights, the length and terms of a DIY contract and the turn-around time were some of the most important factors in my decision-making, but one other huge consideration was the associated cost. That's the next topic the indie authors tackle - Indie Publishing: What About the Costs?

Thank you, Gemi, Michelle, Peter and Kristina for sharing your thoughts on DIY. Each of them brings varied approaches and reasoning to the process that I hope blog readers will find helpful. If you're considering DIY, please research all your options, and the benefits and disadvantages of the varying routes to publication before making a decision. This is a commitment to your future as a writer. Isn't it worth the same thought and dedication as your writing?

Please share your thoughts and comments on today's post. In particular, are you a self-published writer or considering non-traditional publishing routes? Also, as a reader, what is your perception of self-published books?

My First Sale

Since On Falcon's Wings became available for the Kindle, I have compulsively tracked its Amazon sales' ranking. If I didn't already know I have the perfect personality traits of a masochist, this little obsession proved it. Why else would I "subject myself to unpleasant or trying experiences", like writing and publishing something, while discreetly ignoring the fact that publication means someone might actually come across my little story and (gasp) read it?

Here's a little insight into how the crazed mind of a true masochist works, one selling her work for the first time on Amazon:

"Hmm...no change...no one's buying the book on Kindle... maybe people don't even own Kindles any more since that &*#$^*@ iPad showed up. What if no one ever reads the book? Oh holy Jesus. Have I totally wasted my time here? This is it – they hate me and they hate my book. Why else would they be ignoring it? It's right there! If I can see it, they can see it. What's the *&^$ problem? Goddammit all to hell. I knew I should have waited and did the paperback first. Aw, crap."

That all changed the day the sales' rank changed too, indicating that someone had bought my book. I don't know too many other authors as neurotic as me (well, yes, I do know one or two. Don't worry, your secret's safe with me), but here was my reaction. Not what you might think, or maybe if you know me really well, it's exactly what you'd think!

"OMG! Someone bought it! Someone really bought the book? OMG, that means they're going to read it. What if they don't like it? What if I get a bad review? Who is this person, who told them they could buy my book?! Oh holy Jesus. This is it – they will hate me and they will hate my book even more. How did they find it? From my blog, my website? What are they doing on my website or blog? Goddammit all to hell. It's probably just a pity buy from one of my family members…does anyone of them even own a Kindle? Aw, crap."

Do you notice any patterns here?

On Falcon's Wings - The Proof

It's a rare moment when I squeal like a little girl, but I did just that on Monday, as the proof for On Falcon's Wings had arrived. Although the Kindle version of the book has been available for more than a week, here, finally, was something I could hold. It was a great feeling, and the continued support of family and friends just makes it better.

Thanks to two great co-workers, with several years in the publishing industry, I've had invaluable lessons on interior layout, including line spacing, section breaks, alignment, trim and formatting page numbers on odd and even pages. Now, I understand perfectly why Quark, rather than Word 2007, can save an indie author a world of frustration.

So, now I'm reading through the book to ensure it's perfect, and of course, I found the obligatory typo. Damn. Better now, than never, I suppose.   

Self-Publishing: A Brave New World, Or The Same Old One?

I knew I had no business going on to Salon.com and reading Laura Miller's article on the "brave new self-published world" especially since I have a particular sensitivity to the topic. Still, I like living dangerously, so I stepped right into the fray...and almost had my eyeballs pop out of my skull. The section that really stuck out in my mind, aka bugged me, was how writers see agents and editors as gatekeepers, thwarting their humble efforts for a little recognition, a little money. If the same agents and editors would just move out the way, a million adoring fans would snatch up all those great books. I'm paraphrasing here. God, I hate sweeping generalizations.

Please excuse me as I rant. Sorry, Laura Miller: FAIL. Who in the hell really thinks that way? Please, let's find such writers and clue them in. If you're a writer considering self-publishing because it will bring fame and fortune overnight, I'm going to tell you what Susan Powter used to tell people in her 90's infomercial: STOP THE MADNESS. I'm about to burst your little bubble of insanity - fame and fortune will never come just because you've self-published. Why? It doesn't often come to midlist, traditionally published authors, who actually have large publishing houses behind them with a marketing department. The fact that most of that marketing money seems to go to the big names is a topic for another blog post. Back on topic, no right-minded author really thinks that self-publishing is the key. Those of us who've done it have a variety of reasons for not going the traditional route, and often, it's not for lack of trying.  

The article suggests that instead of editors and agents separating the wheat from the chaff, or as I liked, finding the good stuff among the "really, really, really, really terrible...vast majority", now the readers will suffer that mind-numbing task, as they choose among the 700,000 (!) self-published books and God knows how many traditionally published ones. So, I have to ask (and I did in a comment on the article), how is that any different from what readers have always done? Readers have always chosen with their wallets and they will continue to do so. Books of merit will rise to the top (of the sale's ranking, that is), and the dregs will remain where they belong. Self-publishing hasn't muddied the mix, it's opened up the field for some, notice I wrote some, who haven't gotten the lucky break they may otherwise deserve.

Ok, rant over.

The article did raise a point I found particularly interesting: Why should extroversion be required of a great novelist? It's interesting for me, because at heart, I am an introvert. I can still count on both hands the number of true friends that have gotten to know me, the real me, over the years. When I decided that writing was more than a hobby, I also quickly figured out that in order to get people interested in my writing, the naturally shy, reserved me would have to go. After all, how could I get people to buy my books, if I avoided talking about them?

Geniuses who once lived in their own insular writing world are relics of the past, and in the competition for critical acclaim and those all important dollars, can't afford to stay silent .  If that means you tweet your little heart out on Twitter, friend a random stranger on Facebook, keep updating a website and blog, just get over it and do it.  Also, it might be helpful to keep a working email or comments form on your website where people can write to you.

Case in point, I recently came across a beautiful synopsis of a SELF-PUBLISHED medieval on an author's website. Since I LOVE medieval settings, particularly the early Norman period, I emailed the author expressing interest in a review copy for the Historical Novel reviews blog. What did I get in reply? A bounceback because the email account was no longer valid. No comments or contact form either, but that didn't deter me because this person must have a Facebook page. My mother has a Facebook page. Anyway, I thought luck was with me. Instead, I found "Author Name only shares some of her profile information with everyone. If you know...."  Maybe I'm being too judgmental, but if you don't list an active email on your website AND you put up obstacles, however minor, for people who may contact you, you've just made it that much harder on yourself to connect with readers in this brave new / same old world of publishing. 

P.S. Even Anne Rice agrees with me: http://www.facebook.com/annericefanpage/posts/131658676868510

On Falcon's Wings

In the summer of 2005, I started a new manuscript, the story of a medieval falconer's daughter who fell in love with a Saxon lord, on the eve of the Norman Conquest in 1066. The knowledge and careful attention of members in my critique group kept me on my toes, particularly when we debated the value of the Bayeux Tapestry as a research tool, or a clever piece of propaganda.  A fateful day arrived when my friend Mirella Patzer, who was also editing the manuscript, said "...A falconer was a serf - in essence, a slave, and NOT a commoner - so a nobleman would have kept her - but not married her as the church would not have recognized their interaction...." My plot was in jeopardy, and all those months of research on the art of falconry seemed a waste, but Mirella helped me to re-structure and save the storyline.

Self-publishing this or any other story never seriously crossed my mind - if it did, it was the option of last resort. I was determined to follow the traditional route in publishing. So, I kept at all the things which I was certain would bring me what I wanted most: a contract. I kept active in my writing groups, self-edited my manuscript and queried agents and editors.  Requests for partials and fulls came and went, while my goal remained elusive. Frustration grew, as I watched other members of my critique groups reach their goals, and I found it increasingly difficult to read anything just for the pleasure of it. In September 2009, I attended a Writer's Digest conference, and finally heard the words that motivated me to re-consider self-publishing. Months later, I took Bill O'Hanlon's words to heart and used the emotion inside me, in this case, being pissed, and committed to self-publishing the manuscript languishing on my computer for almost five years.

Today, I received the notification that the Kindle version of On Falcon's Wings was available for sale, and the proof of the paperback was ready for me to order. So many emotions are churning inside me, I can't even describe them, but I think fear, coupled with an overwhelming sense of happiness are right at the top.  I will admit, I've checked Amazon a few times this morning, just to be sure that beautiful cover is really there.

Speaking of covers, here it is with a huge thank-you to my cover illustrator, Lance Ganey, one among many who helped make my dream come true.

What's In A Name?

Apparently, a lot.

I've spent several weeks preparing my self-published title, On Falcon's Wings, for its debut on Amazon.com and the Kindle. You know how they say, the devil's in the details? I learned that happens to be very true.

Either, I had completely lost my mind, or became mired in so many other details, like the right trim, crazy margins, haphazard indents, and that darn Kindle upload, that I paid absolutely no attention to the author name on the cover of my book, which I've only seen sir or seven times. Didn't notice a thing, until, I received this email from CreateSpace today: The author name for this book was listed as Lisa J. Yarde but the cover indicates the author name is Lisa Yarde and the text file indicates the author name is Lisa J. Yarde . Please make sure the author name listed in the book information matches with the author name appearing on your book's front cover and interior title page.  When you've signed up with CreateSpace, you cannot change the author listing, once you've submitted the title properties!!!!!! So, the Lisa J. Yarde listed with CreateSpace must be Lisa J. Yarde on the cover. Sigh.

God bless my illustrator, Lance Ganey, who got back to me with a quick response that he could edit the cover. Otherwise, it would be just one more thing on my list of worries today, like the whole marketing and selling the book thing.

Covers and Titles: Decisions, Decisions...

I'm moving right along with self-publishing my medieval novel, On Falcon's Wings. A dear friend, Gemi Sasson just finished her beautiful first novel, The Crown in the Heather, but also took time from her busy schedule to do some hand-holding with me. Thanks to Gemi's recommendation, I'm now working with a great cover illustrator, Lance Ganey.

Since I've had several years to think about this particular book (you know, those years spent begging and pleading and waiting for agents / editors to take it on), I knew precisely what I wanted: "...A lone, female figure on the right, viewed either from the back or profile, in a long, red mantle, her hair and face partially concealed under a hood. She stands on a high bluff in a snowbound or graying landscape, overlooking a seascape, perhaps leaning against a withered tree. In the distance, a falcon is flying toward her from the left. I like the red mantle to represent passion and the blood spilled during the major conflict in the story, the bluff and seascape representing the physical divide between my hero and heroine. I also feel the background should be a bit bleak or murky to represent the uncertain future everyone faces in the story."

Yeah, not a hint of indecisiveness about the cover. I do wonder at Lance's initial thoughts when he got my email, but hopefully nothing like "book Nazi" flitted through his mind. Wait until you see what he came up with! I'm so thrilled by his initial design, it really captured the idea beautifully.

The choice of a title was much harder, and in my case, it became design by committee. Years ago, more than I want to remember, I wrote Love, Remember Me about a Norman woman in love with a Saxon on the eve of the conquest of 1066. Subsequently, it was re-titled Bound by Blood, but when my two longtime friends Anita Davison and Mirella Patzer suggested that title often related to vampires, it was time for a change. Both ladies suggested some titles during our weekly Skype conversations, and after talking with more fellow writers, I had a list of more than 20 titles. So, late at night I sent an email to nine of my most trusted writing friends, with a sample "back cover blurb" and asked for their opinions. Ultimately, my final choice was not among them. When Kristina Emmons, the author of Roeing Oaks, suggested On Falcon's Wings as an alternative, I knew it would be a perfect fit. Thank you, Kristina!

My concerns about covers and titles come from my own experience as a book buyer. The cover is the first thing you see and should meet reader expectations, a little taste of the true flavor of the book. As for titles, there's something strange about picking up a book with an evocative title, only to find it has absolutely nothing to do with the story. I hope I've managed to capture a good sense of the story with my choices. Stay tuned for the final cover version in a future post.

How do you feel about covers and titles? As a writer, how much effort do you put into choosing the right cover and title to reflect the story elements? As a reader, how does a book's cover and title influence your purchase?

Writing Sex Scenes

One of the things I enjoy most about writing The Rule of Love is crafting the sex scenes. I promise, it's not because I'm a total pervert. It used to take me days of cringing and blushing before I could force myself to complete a pivotal love scene for my characters, but no longer. Writing this manuscript has been so important in helping me "get over it" and just get it done.
Sex can be one of the most intimate moments that people can share, but how do you convey a full sense of the experience? Especially, when the difficulty with sex scenes often lies in the descriptions of genitalia; more often than not, the scene becomes crude or comical, dependent on the terms you use. When I used to read historical romance, I often skipped the sex scenes because they were too explicit instead of sensual, or completely ridiculous. No more heaving or aching bosoms, please. And the idea that a very virginal heroine would be completely at ease exposing her naked self to a lover for the first time, know exactly where and how everything goes, and have a mind-blowing orgasm seems too far-fetched.

In writing Rule of Love, I focus most often on the emotions of the POV character and an exploration of the senses of the POV character, rather than who's doing what, in where, to whom. In the balance between physical acts and emotions, the latter usually wins out. And, there are at least ten of the twenty-three chapters I've written so far devoted entirely to sex. My first chapter opens with an orgy. No gratuitous scenes, because sex is not just sex in this manuscript. It also conveys a deep level of intimacy and love between characters. There's sex for the simple pleasure of it, and scenes that involve the domination and subordination of characters. It helps that my critique partners are both open-minded and they've provided wonderful feedback. I hope the audience I'm writing for will one day feel the same way.

As a reader or writer, how do you react to sex scenes?

   

Is it a Business If You Don't Make Money?

Tax time has rolled around, and for the second year in a row, I owe money. Just great. As if watching all my hard-earned cash go to bills, in particular that @#$% student loan, rent and writing expenses last year weren't enough. But, hang on there; what about those writing expenses?

It's taken me years to learn what several writers have already figured out; if you're almost neurotic about keeping receipts for your writing expenses, you can claim the items and services as tax deductions. So, that writing conference I took last year? So noted on my 1040. As was my payment to the freelance editor, and the yearly cost of my website hosting. Keeping my fingers crossed that I filled everything out correctly on Schedule C, otherwise I'm sure some nice, friendly person at the IRS will tell me. (cringing)

Yet, part of me still wonders, can I legitimately call my writing a business if it hasn't made me lots of money? The IRS says I can, which is great. The fact that I take it seriously, and have committed myself to querying, conference attendances and networking says this is far from a hobby. But it certainly hasn't been a lucrative business. Thank God I'm not in it for the money. Although a little of that coming into my pockets rather than out of my bank account would be nice. 

Decisions, Decisions...

It’s been hard to concentrate on my writing, when so many thoughts that have little to do with the actual writing have been running around my head. Is it time to chuck the manuscript(s) and start fresh? Or, do I self-publish, and if I do, how do I avoid a colossal failure? Should I go back to school and get the MFA my heart says I should? If so, why can't my overworked, tired brain figure out an easy way to make that extra schooling affordable?

Turns out, the decision regarding school is actually easier than anything else - if I can't afford it, I'm not going. Why might I think I can't afford it? One example is the open house at the New School, which I attended in February. Great programs, as are many of the others I've checked out in NYC, but the tuition? I'm still seeing stars from the five-figure quote. I've gotten lots of great advice as follow-up to my post on this topic, from friends, family and blog visitors, but at the end of the day, the tuition is a huge factor in my decision-making. Loans are no longer an option; loans shouldn't be an option for anyone unless they're planning to spend 10-30 years of their lives in misery afterward, or at least, that's my way of thinking in the post-grad world. To think if I had kids, I might still be paying back the law school loans while schooling them...scary! So, my dream of an MFA may have to become a dream deferred, at least until I can drum up the cash. Would be easier to do this if my writing were a paying gig, rather than a source of thankless, penniless frustration...hmmm.

The writing was a little more difficult. I've completed three manuscripts, and I'm currently working on my fourth and fifth. At some point in every writer's life, you start to wonder whether you really have what it takes, whether all those friends and your agent, and the nice folks in your critique groups have all been lying to you for several years, and the inescapable fact is you have not been published because you 1) cannot write well and / or 2) cannot write anything that anyone would want to buy. Or, is it just me who's facing that quandary? Anyway, all my fears and doubts have had a surprising effect; I've been easily frustrated in the past, enough to walk away from something. Still, I haven't deleted the manuscripts, burned my sources and vowed never to write again. I've decided to self-publish.

One of the blessings of having writer friends, both published and unpublished, is that each person brings a varying perspective to my quandary, and lots of love and support. Thanks, you guys, you're the best. Despite feeling overwhelmed, as though I have no clue what I'm doing (really, I'm not joking here, no clue whatsoever!), I've got friends who regularly chat with me on titles and covers, email me all the trends in self-publishing, or have volunteered to provide a blurb, or some selfless promotion. It's also a huge leap of faith to allow the market to decide whether my work is worthwhile. But that's no different from the dilemma facing every author who pursues the traditional route. And, while I don't expect to become filthy rich from self-publishing, Lord knows I don't intend to go broke either.

So, apparently, I'm not as indecisive as I thought, just takes me a little while to make up my mind.